The Joy and Suffering We Should Endure for The Cause of Christ( Special Post 2)

1)   1)  Jesus Christ in His essence should be the desiring passion of our life.  He should be our all-consuming fire within us because He lives in and through us. Faith and joy itself, in its own essence also, is a treasuring of Christ above all things.  In this book Paul writes, called Philippians, the Philippians thank him for coming and showing them that true and pure joy does not come from anywhere else but from the Lord Jesus Christ.  Paul came to strengthen the believers in that and had hope that when he left they would only look to the Father and glorify Him because of all he did through Paul.  Furthermore, it goes to explain how happiness is conditional and depends solely on happenings, but yet joy is rooted deeper.  Joy is depended on Jesus Christ.

2)  2)  Philippians, I think, does and doesn’t need to be interpreted.  I believe that this is one of Paul’s books that is actually pretty straightforward and is written clearly.  But the reason it needs to be interpreted is because maybe it is too easy for some people, they may think, to understand and they will read it and be done and not think it needs to be meditated on.  For example, when it says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”  The only interpretation I have for this one small, little aspect of this book and of this chapter is really concentrated on the word worry.  People in our world have so many reasons on why they “have to” worry or think way too much into things.  Well, worry does not add a single minute to our hours or hours to our day here on earth.  It says for us to turn our worries into prayers and constantly give them up to our Father.  Yes, easier said than done.  It is said that the English term for worry comes from an old German word meaning to strangle, or to choke.  In our world that is exactly what it does, we let worry consume our thoughts and let it become our reality in our minds.  It is a mental and emotional strangulation that causes so much pain and strife that does not need to be there. 

3)   3)  I believe that I take Philippians for what it means.  I always try and meditate on all that I read and take time to understand it for what it is saying and not for what I want it to say.  If and when I need to interpret something, in this case in Philippians, I go to more sources and or sit and contemplate.  But I guess if I had to interpret this text to the best of my abilities it would be pretty much how I answered number one.  I believe that happiness is conditional and being joyful and having joy is in Christ and is also a choice we make.  Philippians is a book full of joy and hope.  It truly emphasizes the joy that He wants us to have in Him as our God, as our Creator and Father.  This book shines and radiates the light and Paul tells us that we are supposed to, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!”  Furthermore, we are to be content in any situation that our good Lord places us in.  It states in my bible, “whatever the circumstances.”  That we are to find real and pure joy in all of suffering because when we suffer, we suffer for what is right and good.  Through our suffering we find joy because He who lives in us and He finds favor in us through enduring patiently the suffering we undergo.

4)   4)  There are multiple supporting verses that back up my interpretation of Philippians.  Because I would say that my interpretation is directly from the Word of God.  In Philippians 4:4, 4:11,12…3:8-10…these verses are based on my bible because the handout that we received does not have the verses, which I know is a good thing and I wanted to give the verses that support my interpretation.

5)   5)  This answer I feel as though is going to be long and maybe even a little hard to handle.  This book is about love, joy and in contrast happiness, and suffering.  The one part we tend to over look is the suffering Jesus Christ went through for us undeserving sinners.  Therefore, the importance of this text and all of the other texts are to show us, His children and saints, yet still sinners, that we need Christ in us.  We need Him to live within us so that we may live in Him.  He does not need us to fulfill his purposes, but He wants us to live for Him.  When it says, “But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him.”  I cannot even stress to the reader how important this verse is to life.  To my life.  To the lives that are around me.  Paul is stressing that we are supposed to count all that we have or own as “worthless” when it is compared to the greatness of our Christ Jesus.  That our relationship with Christ is far greater than anything we could ever have or get in anything else in life.  He is our treasure, He is our joy.  That no matter what happens in this life, we will still rejoice, still praise, still love and serve Him all the days of our life.               

Downfall

     Where do I even begin.  I was a little confused by the story in the beginning, in like the first page and a half.  But then it got to a point where one of the characters said, "He's an angel."  Then I understood a bit more.  I thought is sad that the angel was an old crippled man who was stuck in the mud and unable to move himself.  Then the husband and wife, Pelayo and Elisenda captured him and locked him up.  At that point I was confused on who these two people were.  Why did they throw him into the wire chicken coop?  That was a question I was asking myself.  But then even when I kept reading after the angel dried his wings and stepped out of the coop and spoke a sermon, it mentioned that because of the news he was telling them about the devil and carnivals, and writing a letter to his bishop so then that person can write a letter to the latter and so on, they called in the troops and mob.  The wife was going to cage him in and charge admission for the neighborhood to come and see him. But is he really an angel?  That  is what the neighborhood would like to believe, because that is what they see.  But is it true?  I asked myself that question a couple times.  I mean on page 1061, he says, "If wings were not the essential element in determining the difference between a hawk and an airplane they were even less so in the recognition of angels."  So to me that says like he is saying that having wings does not only mean that he is an angel, that that is not the only factor in determining who he is or what he is.  It never really comes to a conclusion, I don't think, on if he was an angel or not.  It does say that in the end, he grew new harder wings that he hid for a while, and then flew away when they fully grew in.  The neighborhood was so happy that he left, it was as if a burden was lifted off their shoulders. 

A Heart Like Paul

     I have to say, I forgot how much I truly loved this book.  I read it here and there a few verses when I am led to it.  I have only read the whole Bible once through but I have not in a long time.  Reading this book in the New American Standard Bible was good.  I like how there are no numbers and how it just flows togther oh so perfectly. 
     There are many parts that I am in love with in Philippians.  Paul's thirteen letters are all some of my favorite writings in the Bible.  But when I was reading this through a few times it is hard for my mind to pick out the parts where I thought there was figurative language.  But I guess I see some places even though I am sure there are several.  That is why I really enjoy going over this in class and breaking it down as a team and classroom.  Because I feel as though I am able to hear the hearts of others and their opinions and relate to them.  I even listen and hear how they think and it helps me shape and challenge my thinking patterns also.
     One part I can see figurative language is when it says, "For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me."  It does not make much sense to me what Paul is saying at the end, but when it says, "but also to suffer for His sake," I understand we are supposed to suffer for him, and there are people in the world who have died for Christ, been beaten, arms chopped off for just holding the bible and others that I know of.  But we will never be able to truly suffer just as Christ suffered on the Cross.  Another one would be, "Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers..." I think this is figurative speaking.  I don't think that Paul actually means real dogs but means false prophets and false teachings of the Gospel.  Furthermore, another figurative language in this book might perhaps be, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." I am not sure how to explain this one but I think that it could be figurative.  But I guess it is saying, to live is Christ, because that means Paul would be able to be Christ on earth for a longer period of time so that he may continue God's work.  Paul also says that it would be better he lived because it would be better for the people that he lived.  And then to die is gain because to die means he would be in heaven with his Father and that is far better than being down here on earth.   

Reflecting

     This past weekend was the play called, "Th Man Who Came To Dinner."  I got the chance to go on Thursday because I was unable to go during the weekend.  I do not know where to even start with what I thought about the play.  I went with my boyfriend Christopher, my friends Jessica and Jenna and my classmmate Sterling. The name of the play had me thinking that we was going to be a really good play but my first reaction was not so.  It annoyed me and bothered me a little bit.  The character of Sherry was annoying and intense.  I would say during the whole play we kept looking at one another asking what was going on.  What was this play about exactly?  Of course we kept watching it and it seemed like it got a little better as time went on.  There were several other characters that I truly loved.  I would say my favorite was definitely hands down the sister who would occasionally come down the stairs to talk to Sherry and show him pictures or tell him short stories.  I know the girl who played her and she did a fa-nominal job.  She had the whole crowd laughing every time she would come down those stairs and would go up one step at time.  Furthermore, I loved Sherry's assistant Maggie.  She worked with him for so long and he saw her as being so insufficient.  She fell in love with a news reporter and was finally happy and Sherry was doing everything he could to have her stay and break her and her love up.  In the end I do not know exactly how I felt or even still feel to this day about the play. I thought during it was weird and no true story line.  After felt as if the title has nothing to do with the play.  It was random and funny all at the same time.  I liked it and enjoyed it the best I could with what I saw.   

Normal Interaction

     First I want to start off by saying that I truly enjoyed last class.  It was my first week being back since we switched up groups a little bit to read parts of the play, "The Boys Next Door."  And I was in a great group, with great interaction with the text.  Furthermore, I enjoyed having that girl join our class who is in the theater department.  I feel horrible but I forgot her name, but she did a wonderful job of explaining the play in more detail and expressing the way she felt about it.  I could feel her enthusiasm and heart for this text and I saw it all over her face.  I think that kind of passion for literature in theater is fantastic.
     Moreover, also, after hearing some of my classmates express their hearts and thoughts about the text, really opened my eyes to different ways of thinking about it or even if a person thought the same way as me, it was still encouraging to know that I was not the only one to feel a certain way.  There were three people in the class that day that really touched my heart.  Chris, Sterling and Kristen.  Chris said that he previously worked with people who had disabilities and really enjoyed the interaction with them and that helped him understand the text more.  Sterling has a sister that is disabled and he spoke a little about it in class and I started to cry hearing about his sister's story and growing up with her.  How there were lines in the text that he could just see his sister saying.  Also, Kristen has a little girl cousin that also has a disability and hearing her story as well was so touching.  I started to cry listening because my heart has such a big place for children and men and woman who are disabled.
     Even re-reading the text after having our discussion time on Tuesday helped me even more.  I think it is safe for me to say that this is one of the most enjoyable things we have done this semester.  I have loved it.  While re-reading parts, I stood up and tried to kind of act it out and really take the time to visualize the situation and the interaction that Arnold, Lucien, Jack, Norman, Barry and all the other characters had through out this play.
     I feel as though I am able to really learn from this experience and use it in my future and that is something that will always be a part of my life.  This passion I have inside to work with people with disability is, I know, from God and I am going to put my passion into practice and do it all for the glory of the Lord.        

Love For All People

     Out of all of our field trips that we have had in this class thus far, I would have to say that today was far better than any of the previous ones.  The reason being because I just have such a huge passion in my heart for men and woman and children with disabilities.  I truly enjoyed walking around the facility and being able to interact a little bit with the people that attend the program.  The woman that worked there and the one who gave us the tour is named Ashley.  She did a fantastic job of giving us an overview of all that goes on and what kind of classes they offer.  The whole time walking around I tried to stay as close to Ashley as I could because I was and am so interested in what she does and what those facilities are providing for those amazing men and woman.  I think that places like those that work with people who have disabilities are resourceful and needed.  One fact that I would love about working there or at another facility like it would be getting to know all of the men and woman and building a true relationship with them.  When I was in high school in Orlando, I would volunteer every day of the week for a few hours or even, sometimes, a half a day at a disability center that worked with Down syndrome, autistic, and cerebral polsey children and youth.  Moreover, one of the biggest reasons I believe that the Lord is sending me to get my Masters in Professional Counseling is because I will have the opportunity to work in centers just like the one we visited today.  I enjoy working with them so much, it makes my entire day when I just see them smile and laugh.  I used to cry all the time and my heart would brake for each and every person that I would come in contact with who had a disability.  I hoped and prayed that they had a safe place to lay their head down at night, that they were loved and cared for by people so much, that they knew God loved them, and that they were happy.  I know that hopefully having the opportunity to work in a center like the one today I would shine so bright for my Creator and I would be doing something that makes Him proud.  He has placed the passion inside me and I know that when I do it that I am glorifying Him.  As John Piper says, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”    

What Meets The Eye

     I went to Lake Bonny Park today for the first time in about a year.  What I love most about the park would be how diverse it is.  It has so many fields to play sports on and also a nice nature trail so people can take runs, jogs, walks or nice strolls through the area.
     What I liked most about going there today and visiting would be the silence part of this exercise.  I kind of pictured myself in Colorado, in the mountains with the cool crisp breeze blowing on my face while sipping hot cocoa.  But I was not there, I was at Bonny Park and listened to the birds chirp and the breeze fill my body.  I like the challenge of having to sit still and not think.  But be still.  I am not used to that at all but when I have my alone time with my Creator I try to be still in His presence and know He is God and listen.  That is what I tried to do today. It may have not been my alone time but it was extra time that I took to reflect on all He has created and and made for us, His children, to enjoy and be in awe of.
     I am not a writer, nor do I know how to write good poems, but what I do know how to do is try and do my best and that is what I believe I did.  I was there for the 45 minutes and tried to take in all that I could during that time and gave it my all.  I think if we never take the time to stop or slow down we so easily miss the wonderful, beautiful master pieces God has created and we cannot enjoy them for what they were created to be.
     I watched and looked all around me during the part I was writing. Seeing all that there was to see with the naked eye.  I tried to look beyond that and figure out what exactly i can see that is more than physical but yet why nature acts the way it does.

"The Senses"
Birds chirping in the pine trees
Calling out to one another
Singing beautiful melodies
Acorns dropping as if they want to be heard
Like hail hitting the car windshield
Ant mounds all around
Filled with anticipation
Needing to survive
Wind whistling through the leaves and branches
brushing past and leaving all behind
The sun drenching the landscape
Soaking up the droplets of water
left from previous rain
Worms inching along side feet walking on sidewalks
Trying to go somewhere
Somewhere real fast (they are underestimated)
Smells so distinct as if it wants to be seen
Like flowers first bloom in spring
Now breathing in deep taking all that is offered in
squeezing eyes so tight wanting to embrace
Every smell, melody, sound, emotion or touch
Nature is more than what meets the eye
      
"I went to Lake Bonny Park [or Circle B Bar Reserve] for this field trip, and I stayed there for at least 45 minutes."

Dancing and Electricity

     1, 2, 3, 4...so on and so forth.  I really enjoyed reading paper.  I might be a little confused on to why there are numbers.  I mean it seems to me that it separates thoughts and different subjects, but then some numbers may have something to do with another.
     There were a few lines or passages that really made me smile or thought were cute and intriguing.  In the first passage, number 1 it talks about, in lines 7-14, a schoolgirl.  I paints a marvelous picture of her in my head.  I can visualize her "hair flying" while walking on the "negotiating sidewalk."  I saw the book with the pages bent frontward in her backpack as the writer described, full of all kinds of illustration about the planet she lived on.  Because of this description of her looks and what she reads I feel as though I am able to decipher a little bit of her personality.
     Furthermore, skip to passage 8.  Line 5, "It turns out they are electricity having sex in an infinite variety of permutations."  I know that this line is pretty vivid and sensual but yet is seriously right.  Actually seeing it in this way makes me understand the way electricity looks while it is being made.  That line is one of my favorites in the fact that it brings electricity into human understanding.
     Moreover, in passage 9, bottom last 5 lines it describes wheeling constellations as a dance with three graces.  "They made of it a figure of something elegant or lovely..."  I can understand how the three graces of dance can illiterate and resemble wheeling constellations because of how it is described.  Lines in this paper truly help, I think, the reader really understand what is being talked about and gives them a great visual to what they are portraying.               

Darkness

     "Sonny's Blues," so far, has been a absolutely wonderful story.  Sad and I particularly do not like sad stories.  But there are several areas in the book that I would love to write about but the very beginning struck me in a very deep way.  One aspect that I loved was how James Baldwin started off the story.  "I read about in the paper, in the subway, on my way to work.  I read it and I couldn't believe it, and I read it again.  Then perhaps I just stared at it, at the newsprint spelling out his name, spelling out the story.  I stared at it in the swinging lights of the subway car, and in the faces and bodies of the people, and in my own face, trapped in the darkness which roared outside" (Page 384).
     This whole passage, I had to re-read a few times.  Baldwin portrays where he is at, how he is feeling about what he is reading and describing, without fail and vividly, everything in him.  I felt as though I was there.  He picked me up off the couch and placed me on that subway with him, and I sat with him in the darkness.  He was in denial, he didn't want what he was reading to be true and kept hoping, in someway, it was not true.  He saw himself on that page he was reading.
     It goes onto the second page and reveals who he was referring to while reading the newsprint.  It was his brother.  He had been caught "peddling and using heroin."  He knows his brother was wild but he never thought that Sonny was crazy.
     The way the classroom was displayed and listening to the students and the way he thinks of them.  That they might all be "popping off needles," he is afraid for them.  Again, he shows that he sees himself.  He grew up the same way they did, the same way his brother did.
     They live in such darkness.  I have seen such darkness through a friend.  This story really pierces the heart.  It is as though I am feeling this story as it could be my friends and I am reliving what happened.              

Team Time

     This week our Mid-Semester portfolio was due.  I tried to answer all of the questions to the best of my knowledge and turned it in.  This portfolio strongly helped me to recognize the good work I have done, the work that I need to improve on and how I can grow in the weeks to come.  I also noticed that I obviously did not know exactly what Professor Corrigan was talking about when he mentioned "risk-taking." Now, I am going to try and apply that phrase to some of my posts in the not distant future.
     Moreover, something else that I loved about this portfolio was how we had to pick three key blogs that we felt were adequate enough to be one of the best.  Picking was not so hard, but I enjoyed going back through all of the posts I have written and re-read them.  I noticed growth in my writings and also noticed where I didn't really care for the topic I was supposed to be writing on.  Reflecting is one of the best ways to evaluate what I have learned and hope to continue to learn for the course of this semester.
     Furthermore, after we discussed in our groups our portfolios and what we had learned from that activity, we were summoned to go outside, pick a spot and finish reading our short stories together.  Last Thursday Seth and Sterling read first.  Their stories were both different and well written.  It was nice to sit outside and just be able to relax and listen to someone's masterpiece.  This week, after Casey being gone last week, was back and read her story, along with Adam and I.  My story was a bit long so I got cut off at the end so I had to summarize it up in a jiffy, which I totally did not mind.  Adam's short story was heart felt and true.  Casey's story was fiction but realistic and funny.  I enjoyed each and every one of my team members and their uniqueness.  This time together was both educational, in its own sense and pleasing.            
         
    
     
 

Short Story: Awaiting An Ending

He looked up from dribbling the ball; sweat dripping from his face onto the floor.  It was as if the gym went silent when she came in and all you could hear was his heart beating and her feet walking. He watched her as she walked in, gazing at her very existence.  The ball slipped from his grasp and his breathing almost stopped. He was thinking, “Who is this woman that just took my breath away? She is beautiful.”  She looked at him shyly and smiled while she tucked her hair behind her ear, but turned back to her friends.  She was wearing a short jean skirt, a tank top and sandals.  Her hair was long and shiny; it swooped across her face oh so perfectly.  When he took a deep breath in he could almost smell her beauty.  She was wearing Burberry Britton perfume.  He woke from his dream-like state upon hearing his friends yelling, and got back in the game, but continually glanced back to make sure she was still watching.

His name was Mathew and hers Danielle.  It was Danielle’s third time visiting Wheaton College and her friends that attended there. After the basketball game ended everyone went out to a local coffee shop called Common Grounds.  Mathew asked his friends, “Hey, do you know if that new girl is going to come out with us?”  His friends replied by saying that they didn’t know, but he should go and find out or he would never know.  Mathew rarely went out with these friends, but this one night, Danielle, without knowing it, persuaded him to go.   He stepped out of the car hoping she was going to be there.  Heart racing and palms sweating, he wondered, “why do I feel this way? There is just something about her, man.” Nervous of the unknown, he opened the door and there she sat at a table with her friends smiling and laughing more beautifully than he had ever seen before. 

They were playing a game called White Elephant, Danielle lost, and her consequence was to write her name standing up with her butt.  Mathew positioned himself perfectly behind his friend so he could watch her without her noticing. She did notice and would smirk at him every once in a while. 

The whole weekend that Danielle was there was full of sport activities and the hot sun.  They played basketball and Mathew and her got placed on the same team.  They played well together.  At the end they played one on one and although he let her win, he thought her to be good competition. 

The next day was football and all they did was laugh.  They got some time to talk and get to know each other, but it wasn’t enough.  Danielle had to leave on Sunday, and she didn’t want to go.  She was attracted to him more than she ever thought she could be, and he was attracted to her even more than he had ever expected.  Sunday came around and it was a gloomy day for her and perhaps him but she could never completely tell.  It was in the middle of a softball game when she had to leave.  Danielle went around and hugged all of her friends, and then it was Mathew’s turn.  She gave him a quick one.  “Maybe I’ll see you again one day,” she said with a big smile on her rosy face, “I think I am coming here in the fall, so we’ll see.”  Mathew looked at her with anticipation and excitement; “okay, sounds great!” is all he could muster up at the moment. She walked away with goose bumps up and down her body.  She wanted to turn back around but she couldn’t.  She drove away waving goodbye while passing and let go of the thought of him. 

A month later she was on Myspace, looking at all of her comments and came across one she didn’t recognize.  “You probably don’t remember me, but I am the one who beat you in basketball.  How are you?”  Mathew had written on her wall.  “Hahaha, oh right, of course I remember you.  But it’s too bad that you only beat me by one so there’s nothing to brag about.  I am doing well, good to hear from you,” she said in reply.  That is the first of many more comments that would turn into messages and then formulate into phone calls.  Mathew had been thinking about her ever since they met.  He finally conjured up the courage to write to her. 

Their messages consisted of questions about who they were, their thoughts on different subjects about Christ, what they loved and what made them happy.  Then Mathew asked if he could call her.  She thought ‘Oh my goodness, what do I do?  Of course I want to talk to him on the phone, I want to talk to him all the time.  Do I say yes, do I say maybe?  I’ll say yes, of course’.  Every time he would text message and his full name, Mathew Malachi Broward would stream along the screen, it was all smiles and pleasure that filled her heart.  They would talk on the phone for hours upon hours every night, not getting to bed before 2:00am.  “Turn it to SPIKE TV,” he said, “I love this show.  It’s so stupid I can’t stop laughing.  “Ok, I am right now,” she said, thinking about him for a second and where he was right now, she said, “I love how you are in a whole other state right now, sitting on a couch, watching TV with me over the phone.”  Danielle couldn’t even believe what was happening in her life.  She wouldn’t be able to see what was going to happen at that point, but one day she would feel it. 

He went away for camp that summer for two months.  “I’ll miss you,” he said, “I’ll miss you too.  More.”  “You’re crazy.”  “Crazy about you,” she said.  Letters were written all summer.  Back and forth, back and forth.  They sent one another pictures and Danielle sent him a care package of all his favorite candy and made him a creative card.  She missed him so much that summer, but it only made the day they got to see each other again that much better.

The months of summer flew by.  It was time for her to start her freshman year at Wheaton.  It had been six months since Danielle had last seen Mathew.  She was ready to be with him.   “I am so nervous, I get to see him today,” she said to her roommate.  Her thoughts are going round and round.  “What do I wear…do I hug him, run to him, what is the first thing I should say?  Oh my goodness my heart is beating a million miles an hour, I cannot wait.”  She couldn’t hold it in any longer.  A second later her phone rang; it was him. She picked it up and he told her where to meet him.  She left the room wearing her new dark blue jeans with a navy blue shirt and baby blue dots on it.  Her hair long and flowing, her face lit up like a thousand fireflies in a dark room.  She called him when she was close.  “I don’t see you Mathew, where are you?”  “I can see you.  Wow!”  “Hahaha, stop, Where are you goober,” she said.  “Look to your left, near the bushes, keep going, here I am.”  Mathew and Danielle locked eyes.  He was wearing basketball shorts, a white shirt, with Addidas sandals and socks, and a navy blue baseball hat.  ‘He is the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life,’ she thought. ‘How did I get so blessed?’  He gave her the biggest hug, wrapped her up in his arms and didn’t want to let her go.  They walked to some stairs and just stared at one another.  In shock both could not stop smiling.  There was passion and fervor between them.

Between that time and the next few weeks he wooed her and took her on an adventure scavenger hunt.  “What are these letters?”  She asked him.  “You are going to be on a scavenger hunt all day.  The letters are numbered in the order in which you are supposed to open them.  Start the first one when I walk away.  Have fun and I’ll talk with you soon.”  He kissed her gently on her forehead and walked away.  ‘Oh my goodness, what does it say, what does it say.  Hurry and rip already envelope.’  The letters were tied together with a black shoelace and taped with black duck tape.  There were four letters in which he wrote about what he loved about her, whom he saw her as and who she portrayed; how much she meant to him and why he saw her as being so authentic and caring.  Each letter led her to a spot on campus.  First was to a car with a stuffed basketball hidden behind a tire, next was to a princess crown hidden in the bushes, then to a sword that was outside her dorm window, and last a $25.00 gift card to Cold Stone because he knew how much she loved ice cream.  Each item had meaning.  This is how he asked her to be his girlfriend; officially. 

It was not always this lovey dovey story; all roses and never pricks.  Danielle and Mathew had their hardships; their ups and downs.  She would get hurt when he would yell at her because she cried too much, or told her to shut up sometimes.  He would get frustrated when she would ask him if he really loved her and cared for her as he said he did.  His background was not like hers.  He grew up with his parents divorced at the age of nine and had to make some difficult decisions at such a young age.  He was twenty before he turned sixteen.  Danielle on the other hand grew up in a loving home with her parents.  She always had such great role models to look up to for help and to show her how to love.  He did not, or at least not in the same way she did. Daniele felt as if the reason why he yelled at her or did those things was because of how he grew up.  She loved him with all her heart through those times.  In her mind it was “no matter what.”  It was the same for Mathew she thought.  That was what he thought too.

It was a long day and Danielle and Mathew had gotten into one of their petty disagreements.  It was a month after their one-year anniversary.  She walked in her dorm room door, bawling her eyes out.  She went straight over to her desk, grabbed her wine bottle and went into the bathroom.  This particular wine bottle was not filled with wine though, but with letters.  On their one-year anniversary he made her a bottle with hand written letters in it about all different things.  He told her she could not open it till their wedding day.  She tried anyway.  Upon opening the cap, she could retrieve only one letter that stood the length of the bottle.  She stuck her finger in and pulled it out.  Opening it up, a slip of paper fell out.  It was the receipt to her engagement ring.  She never told him she opened it, and she never would tell him. 

Months went by leading up to Mathew’s graduation and his leaving for the job he got in Colorado as a youth pastor. He left ten days after graduation.  Danielle was excited yet saddened by him being gone, but she truly wanted to support him in all he was going to do.  They knew they would be a part for a year and a half before she graduated from college and that it was going to be a hard long distance relationship, but they seemed ready.  They wanted to get married after she was done with school. Around August of the next semester they began to experience a rough patch that lasted for a couple of months.  This was the start of a major turning point for Danielle and Mathew.  In December they would break up after having been together for three years.

The last time they would talk was the night they broke up.  “Are you okay?” Mathew asked her.  “Yeah, I will be.  I am stronger than you think Mathew.”  “I never thought you weren’t strong.”  Surprisingly, Danielle was not crying.  “ Well Mathew, I guess I’ll talk with you later.”  “Yeah, talk with you later.”  She was now holding back the sobs that were to come, “I’ll miss you, you know,” she said tenderly, “I’ll miss you,” Mathew said in reply.  “Good bye Mathew.”  Danielle hung up the phone before he could get in another word.  It was hard.  ‘It doesn’t feel real,’ Danielle said to herself.  ‘Did that really just happen?’ Mathew said to himself.  ‘Did we do the right thing Lord?’  They both said to themselves.  The Lord confirmed with a yes.  They knew that the Lord had a good plan.  They were no longer together.  It was over.  Danielle no longer knew how he was doing; he no longer knew how she was doing.  But they had peace in knowing that God knew.

Months and months would go by. No word from Mathew, no word from Danielle.  Then one day God started showing Danielle signs of what’s to come.  Signs only she could understand and see.  God created her inner most being.  These signs were consistent and no coincidence.  Danielle started to believe in them more and more each day that passed.  But then she wondered why it was so much harder to believe than it was easy to doubt. 

Mathew moved to North Carolina in the span of them being a part.  She did not hear from him even after all of the signs the Lord had given her.  Nor did he hear from her.  The next thing she knew was that God lead her to North Carolina, the same city he lived in. 

Anyone can only imagine what God had in store for Mathew and Danielle.  Are they together again or still a part? 

Their story is still awaiting an ending.  God only knows.       

         

Desperate For Knowledge

     I am contemplating on what to write my short story on, but let me forewarn you, I am not a writer, let alone know how to write short stories.  I already know this will be a very difficult assignment for me so I guess we will see how it goes. 
     In addition, I have been sitting here wondering what to even do this post about.  I have been thinking what topics and stories we have been reading or read last week.  I just cannot come up with anything to say. 
     I did re-read, "This Blessed House."  I did not really fully understand it the first time I read it, now, still don't.  I came to realize a few more aspects of the story that I did not know before but I still believe that it is a bit strange.  I see their marriage as being sad and a bit unhappy.  Bitter and aggravated.  Every day that passes them by, within these pages, I feel as though Sanj is frustrated with Twinkle and never is at a point of happiness or satisfaction.  But I do see why he can get frustrated with her because she is always moving towards something, whether it is drastically different or something small, it is always changing.  She is curious about everything and that bothers him.
     I do not think that I could ever be involved in a arranged marriage.  Like it said on page 1072, "He did not know if he loved her."  That is so sad.  There are some people who strongly think that love can grow on you and one day it will come.  But that is just not me.  I do not want my marriage to be like this one.
    I do wonder though.  What is this story about?  Does anyone know?  What is the point to it and or does it have a deep meaning that I am supposed to get.  All I know is that I appreciate the readings for this class because I am desperate for gaining knowledge in this subject, and in the end help me in other areas as well.               

Sightseeing & Observing

The things we get to do in and for this class are priceless and brings me much joy.  A couple of weeks ago we went on a "field trip" to the restaurant, then we went to the cemetery, and after that we got to read an incredible book in the Bible called Joel and we got to paint.  Amazing.  Now, we had an assignment to people watch and for me that was enjoyable.  I have always loved to sit on a park bench and watch the different people pass me by. Some walking, some running, some skateboarding and biking.    I cannot really say that I know what their personality is or their likes or dis-likes but I saw what they wore, how they walked, and facial expressions.  It was an interesting time to watch those who did not know they were being watched.
     Furthermore, "This Blessed House,"  was a really good story.  I definitely liked how Twinkle asked her husband questions about being "born again" and about religion in general.  Twinkle seems to be aware and open to other religions but her husband seems annoyed and aggravated by her putting all of the trinkets on the fire place mantel.  Throughout the story she is "content yet curious."  She is trying to find the next treasure, always searching.  Moreover, all together I loved how he was learning her.  His own wife, he was finding out all of these pet-peeves and quirky things about her wondering why she is like that because they didn't have very long together before they got married.  Started to make me think or marriages that I know and or mine that I will be in one day.  It showed me how not to be and how God is and has to be the center of my life to have a solid foundation of a marriage.                  

Just A Brushing Image

     Now that we have painted in class I feel like I want to do it now with every book I read.  I better get to buying all of my serious supplies. 
     But on a serious note, I enjoyed every second of that experience and privilege.  Painting has been, lately, something I love to do that relaxes me and soothes my mind and calms my heart.  It is a wonderful way that I, Aubrey, can put all that is on my path and in my busy thoughts of things to do, aside and take time to reflect.  Sometimes, it is my way of speaking to the Lord my Savior and King.  I know that within painting, I am, in just one aspect of many, glorifying the Lord and giving Him all the praise.
     The involvement that I had with painting a verse in Joel was priceless.  Even though I was not in my own home, doing it under candle light and music, it was the perfect time and place.
      I painted on Joel 2:22-23, "Do not fear, O land, rejoice and be glad, For the LORD has done great things. Do not fear, beasts of the field, For the pastures of the wilderness have turned green, For the tree has borne its fruit, The fig tree and the vine have yielded in full. So rejoice, O sons of Zion, And be glad in the LORD your God."  This verse just really helped me in the chapter I am in now and have been for the past couple of months and I knew that this would be a wise decision to make it my painting.  The Lord tells us, as His children, to not be afraid 365 times in the bible.  This verse showed me that no matter what happens in my life, I have everything to be joyful and glad about.  That for everything the Lord has put in the will of my life has gone through His hands first.  I am glad in Him.  That my tree will bear great and mighty fruit and it will be because the plans He has for me.  For He is most gloried in us when we are am most satisfied in Him, -John Piper-.      

Canvas of Joel

Here is my painting of Joel that I did in class on September 23rd.  It was a wonderful experience and I feel like I could do this now with a lot of my readings that I do not only for this class but with other inspiring books that I have read.  Thank you for this time and awesome event.

Tangible

Rereading Joel was more special than it was the first time around.  Other parts of the book stood out more to me such as, “The Lord utters Hi voice before His army; surely His camp is very great, for strong is he who carries out His word The day of the Lord is indeed great and very awesome, and who can endure it? ‘Yet even now,’ declares the Lord, ‘return to Me with all your heart, and with fasting, weeping and mourning; and rend your heart and not your garments’ now return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness and relenting of evil.”  Man, this section of the book just really grabbed my heart another time.  I usually take my time reading things and will pause in between thoughts so I am able to truly grasp what I am reading.  So I am also able to comprehend and understand the true context that this book was written.

Furthermore, I thoroughly enjoyed the time we had in class yesterday.  The discussion my table had was deep and full of meaning.  I left the class still contemplating and pondering through what we had just talked about.  Moreover, I am so glad we had the pleasure of being able to step outside for a little while and read parts of Joel that had great depth to us as individuals.  Reading out loud gives me the chance to feel like it is real.  It comes off the page and surrounds me.  The words become real and tangible.  Every time the Lord speaks and I am reading aloud it is like He is right here and speaking directly to just me.  The animals were not around but doing this exercise was enjoyable and I also read my other books in nature as we did for part of class yesterday.

I look forward to painting tomorrow and being able to experience another way of interpreting the book of Joel.      

           

To Those We Know, To Those Who We Do Not Know!

     Where must I begin?  I have not read the Old Testament book of Joel in a long while and reading it a few times through was truly strengthening and powerful.  I could seriously go on for hours about all of my thoughts about this mighty book that Joel wrote long ago.  But as of right now I will only say a few comments and I look forward to speaking about it in class tomorrow.
     The theme of this book is the day of the Lords coming.  Joel speaks on foreboding and warning but yet filled with hope.  Our Father wants to love and bless all those who trust in Him.  On the day of judgment, God will judge the unrighteousness and all accounts will be settled.
     The beginning of this book Joel speaks of locusts, a terrible plaque, that comes and devours all crops from the land.  This is a just a preview of the coming judgment of God.  For because of this plaque, Joel asks all people to turn from their sin and turn to God.  God is merciful and kind.  In the midst of the judgment and need of repentance, there is affirmation of the promises of God.  "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved," Joel 2:32.
     In verse 3:14 it says, "Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the LORD is near in the valley of decision."  I took this verse and think that there are people all around us, work, school even church who do not know the day of the Lord.  They will face judgment, but do you know if they have received God's forgiveness?  As His disciples, warriors of the Word of God, we are called to understand the severity of God's final judgment and bring God's offer of hope to all of those we know.  To all of those we do not know.       
    

Observed

     The class discussion yesterday was, in my opinion, a great illustration.  I mean, the building of the house of cards was good in a sense that it was a visible way to be able to understand the concept that C.S. Lewis was trying to convey in his book.  Also being able to work with friends was wonderful because it was team work and trying to figure out together how to make a strong foundation with the materials we were given.  Yet it was an illustration to show that the only "material" we need to build a solid, stable foundation is our Christ and Savior.  Without Him, everything in life that surrounds me; my positive attitude, my laughter, my love for people, my desires and passions, my feelings and emotions would just crash and burn.
     In my group on Tuesday, we had a truly meaningful conversation about all of our thoughts on a few of the quotes in the book and it was intriguing to really understand the way my classmates and friends see and feel grief.  Something that I said was that our lives are really like a house that is made out of cards.  It is fragile and could be taken away as quick as a heart beat.  That is why i truly wake up in the mornings and also through out the day saying, "Okay Father.  What do you want me to do while I am right here?"  I want and need to make the most of the time I have on this planet, because I have a lot to catch up on.  The Lord knew me way before He created me and so I want to spend the time I have here to get to know who my Lord is and to live for Him.  This life will be gone soon and on that Judgment day I really want the Lord to say to me, "well done my good and faithful servant."
     Our house of cards fell down a few times and it kind of got frustrating, yet I saw it as an adventure.  When something falls down in our lives, that God allows, it isn't always death but heartbreaks, moving away, the challenges in day-to-day life, seeming like are prayers aren't getting answered.  But at those times, is when we get to become stronger, wiser, more full of our God.  We get to build something again that has a stronger foundation than before and it can only become better if we allow it to.
     I am going to miss this book.  But I learned a lot from it and I appreciate who C.S. Lewis is as a man of God and a passionate, gifted writer.             

Something Heavenly

     I parked across the street from the cemetery.  I crossed the street to one of the many entrances into the gated land.  I walked slowly, without pattern.  Spoke no words.  Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face.  Gazed upon the stones with words of men and woman who have passed on and dates of their existence.
     I wanted to sit against a tree for a long period of time to read and meditate but I felt as though there was so much more to see and feel while being there.  I sat for a little while, got up and read as I walked.  I did not fumble over my feet nor did I trip.  I walked smoothly along the given path and even went on an adventure off the road.  While the tears were sliding down my face, the only thoughts I had were about the man I had lost almost a year ago come October.  He was a wonderful man.  I will call him M.  M. and I were as close as a father and his daughter.  He was my second dad.  We talked for a couple hours each day that went by for three years.  Then, one day, an unexpected tragedy happened.  He was killed.  I do not know how much more I can write about this hard thing that happened because I am starting to not be able to see the keys.  But M. is with his Father, his Creator, in a marvelous place.  Heaven.  I will see him again one day.  I look forward to that day because I miss him so much it hurts.
     C.S. Lewis writes, "Feelings, and feelings, and feelings.  Let me try thinking instead.  From the rational point of view, what new factor does H.'s death introduced into the problem of the universe?  What grounds has it given me for doubting all that I believe?  I knew already that these things, and worse, happened daily...We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it...Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination (Pgs 36,37).  I know exactly what he means.  I feel it everyday.  When it happened I couldn't breath.  It was as if something surreal was happening, but not to me, not in my life.  For so long after, I kept saying ,"Come back," (Pg 41).  But I know that this something did not just go over my Father's head.  I had to accept that He allowed it to happen.
     M. had a son named Mark, he was a dear, dear friend of mine for a long time.  When his father died I said over and over, "If only I could bear it, or the worst of it, or any of it, instead of her [him]," (Pg 44).  That passage goes on to say that we never know how heavy that burden is until we are held close to the real possibility, then that is when we discover how seriously we had meant it.  Oh man did I mean it with all of me.  I wanted to take it all from him.  The grief and pain.
     "It was allowed to One, we are told, and I find I can now believe again, that He has done vicariously whatever can be so done.  He replies to our babble, 'You cannot and you dare not.  I could and dared," (Pg 44).
     As much as I truly wanted to take it all, I couldn't.  But He did.  And I trust that He has Mark in his gentle, loving, caring arms and He is taking care of him. 
My Creator could and He did.          
      

Solemn

     I went to the Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this fieldtrip, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes.
    There were more photos that I took while being at the cemetery but I didn't put them on here because it looked a little too cluttered.  Anyways, what I noticed on a lot of the tombstones they read, "At Rest," like the one to the right of this page, "Gone But Not Forgotten," to the left.  I was able to walk around, take time to listen to the nothingness and meditate on what was swaying in my heart.  It was a hard time, yet I was able to have some closure on a situation that has taken me and still is continuing to take me some time to be okay.  I am  glad we had this field trip as part of our homework.  It was a solemn experience.  

A New Way...And I Like It.

       The field trip to Tuscana was an adventurous one.  I had the privilege of sitting with four wonderful people; Alicia, Shantel, Casey and Adam.  After getting through all the horrendous food lines in the restaurant and filing up some drinks, we sat down at a nice round table and started our meaningful discussion on literature.
       Alicia brought lyrics to a creative song to the table by a woman named HOPE. Shantel brought the dialogues that we have done in class, Casey used a poem in the literature book, Adam brought his favorite script from class called "Sure Thing," and I, last but not least brought a book called "Don't Waste Your Life," by John Piper.  I believe the best part about this time together was how we all truly put our own thoughts, ideas, opinions and views out there for us to hear and listen to with opens minds.  We each had something to contribute to everyone's own literature and felt comfortable to speak.
       Having this time together as a class and even as a team really helped me understand the different ways literature can be looked at, read, sung, painted, and watched.  It's so interesting to see how the mind works in other people and how drastically different or even how very similar some ones ideas are compared to your own.  I am enjoying this class thus far because I feel as if I am learning a new way of something that I have never wanted to be interested in, yet now, a little each day its becoming more of something I want with out realizing it.  Like the introduction paper that Professor Corrigan wrote, "Literature Is a Thing You Do As a Part of Life," it is now sneaking into my daily life and I am starting to notice...and I like it.
           

Blossoming Thoughts

      Reminiscing on the past few classes that we have had, I cannot believe we are getting into our fourth Literature class already.  This is very exciting and we are about to start on a book by C.S. Lewis that is going to change my thinking and even maybe yourself in some way or another.
      I have actually started reading it already because I could not resist myself.  I mean, having a C.S. Lewis book in possession and not opening it up yet to read all of his genius, poetic literature jump off the page and into my mind just, in some way, felt wrong of me.  So, I decided to dive in deep.
      I am glad I did.  I am thoughtless.  After reading the first couple chapters in, "A Grief Observed," I feel saddened, yet confused, and then awakened to new feelings.  My best friend's father died in October of last fall and it was as if my own father had died.  As the days passed, I felt him slipping out of my mind.  I felt like I could no longer see what he looked like exactly in my mind anymore.  The way his mouth moved when he smiled or the way he would talk with me when I would see him for the first time in a while.  I feel like it is all gone.  I miss him so much it hurts.  And I wish I could have all the images of him again in my mind right when I want them.  But yet in some way, when God knows I need those memories most, He gives them to me and I can smile at him and know that it is ok (Pg 19,20).
     The way C.S. Lewis writes is sometimes, for me, hard to understand.  Reading this book challenges my thoughts and the way I meditate on his words.  Truthfully, the reason why I am not writing more on this subject or on these chapters right now is merely because I do not know how yet.  I know how I think and feel on the inside, but I do not know how to even articulate those ideas into sentences.
      "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.  I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.  The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.  I keep on swallowing," (Chpt 1, Pg 3).  Even almost a year later, I feel this way.             
    

A little Spice of Everything

     In the beginning when we read over, "Literature Is a Thing You Do as Part of Life,"  I was intrigued by the meaning of this phrase.  Immediately I wanted to know more.  I have always been that person who thought literature was only reading poetry and boring, eye dropping novels.  I could never get into it nor truly appreciate what it was at its core.  But after the first day of class and thereafter I have been excited and looking forward to learning all that I can and in a way that I have never learned before.
     I have thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of the class thus far.  The dialogue we have done as a team through listening to the song of Frankie and Johnny and being able to listen to it a second time and actually sing a long to it all together, to Betty and Bill and their intensive do overs.  Because of this class I think that it is transforming the way I think of literature.  I know that at the end of the semester I will have appreciated everything that we did and will be able to leave the class loving literature for what it is.      Moreover, today in class we read, "What Do We Talk about When We Talk about Love," and there were parts in that passage that I felt like I was in it, like I was standing in the same room they were.  If I wanted to feel that way, I am not sure because the conversation was a bit intense.  Love is always a conversation that starts up, it's something a lot of humans like to talk about.  In this particular scene a man that goes by the name of Mel is kind of searching out what love really is to him and his thoughts on it.  I can see what his feelings are on the matter and I think it is so sad how our society views love.  But the interaction we had with the text was really enticing and engaging.  It made me want to uncover and connect the different dots of where they came from and what they meant. 
    In conclusion, I look forward to reading more and learning from other peoples thoughts within the class.  The journey we are on in this class has only just begun!

A Literary Profile

    It is rare when a man or woman who always have so much to say about everything, comes to a point where they do not know where to begin, or what to say.  That is me right now.  I have multiple stories from my childhood that I would love to share and reminisce about but I will only share a few with you now.   Starting at the age of four, I can distinctly remember my daddy writing me a few songs about how much he loved me and how I was his precious gift from God.  He would sing them to me every night while tucking me into bed.  I would always fall asleep to his soothing lullabies.  To this day, when I go home, he will still, but not every night, sing to me those once anticipated daddy loving lullabies.  Even though I may be all grown up, I will forever be his little girl.
    Furthermore, I believe that literature is more than reading a book or a play, to me, it is all around us.  I just got back about two weeks ago from a intimate family vacation.  My father, mother and brother and I rented a motor home in Vermont and traveled to New Hampshire, Maine, into Canada and back to Vermont.  We are all outdoorsy people so we got to hike a few mountains, go kayaking and white water rafting and a few more adventurous expeditions.  I noticed, while on those hikes in the wilderness, trying to reach the top of a 6,288ft mountain, that it was more than just a hike, it was an epic moment in time where my eyes met my thoughts and made a connection to literature and the true meaning of it.  When we returned back to the motor home for dinner, my brother put in a National Park video on Acadia National Park and Forest located in Bar Harbor, MN.  That video was a piece of literature.  Watching how Acadia first began and all of the history behind what it has become today was breathtaking.  The story of that place, its nature and animals that roam the lands is fascinating.  Catching glimpses of what it looked like in the 1800's and hearing all the old family stories of who went there brought tears to our eyes and we felt like we were never supposed to leave each other again.  The video brought meaning to why we go on these vacations together.  My Savior has truly blessed me with such an amazing family.
   Moreover, I have never really been into literature before, but I have recently been interested.  I would say that my favorite literature book that I have read would be C.S. Lewis, "The Great Divorce."  I read that book in high school, but I do not believe that I truly appreciated his work until a couple of years ago.  Now, where I am at today, literature matters more than it ever did.  I think literature matters because it is able to expand our minds and hearts if we let it.  It forces you to think in a new way and to see, experience and feel things that you never knew were possible.  But then on the flip side, literature doesn't matter to some people because of what our society has created in the entertainment world.  People think that reading a book is now out of date and not what is fun or interesting anymore.  Yes, literature is much more than just a book but people want to confine it to that meaning and not explore what else it could be.