Blossoming Thoughts

      Reminiscing on the past few classes that we have had, I cannot believe we are getting into our fourth Literature class already.  This is very exciting and we are about to start on a book by C.S. Lewis that is going to change my thinking and even maybe yourself in some way or another.
      I have actually started reading it already because I could not resist myself.  I mean, having a C.S. Lewis book in possession and not opening it up yet to read all of his genius, poetic literature jump off the page and into my mind just, in some way, felt wrong of me.  So, I decided to dive in deep.
      I am glad I did.  I am thoughtless.  After reading the first couple chapters in, "A Grief Observed," I feel saddened, yet confused, and then awakened to new feelings.  My best friend's father died in October of last fall and it was as if my own father had died.  As the days passed, I felt him slipping out of my mind.  I felt like I could no longer see what he looked like exactly in my mind anymore.  The way his mouth moved when he smiled or the way he would talk with me when I would see him for the first time in a while.  I feel like it is all gone.  I miss him so much it hurts.  And I wish I could have all the images of him again in my mind right when I want them.  But yet in some way, when God knows I need those memories most, He gives them to me and I can smile at him and know that it is ok (Pg 19,20).
     The way C.S. Lewis writes is sometimes, for me, hard to understand.  Reading this book challenges my thoughts and the way I meditate on his words.  Truthfully, the reason why I am not writing more on this subject or on these chapters right now is merely because I do not know how yet.  I know how I think and feel on the inside, but I do not know how to even articulate those ideas into sentences.
      "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.  I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.  The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.  I keep on swallowing," (Chpt 1, Pg 3).  Even almost a year later, I feel this way.